Being Pregnant During A World Pandemic
I’ve been waiting to get pregnant for as long as I can remember, to not say since the day I was born. No matter how much I wanted to become a mother my whole life, it was a real assault course, full of pitfalls; not only because I have endometriosis that’s spread all over my vital organs the past four years, but because I was born with a very low follicle count too, and to tough it up a notch, my body never reacted to any type of treatment able to help me with endometriosis nor fertility - endometriosis is an extremely painful condition that often affects fertility, and for which no treatment has been found so far.
”Temporary solutions” are offered to endometriosis patients:
- Surgery, which for most of us have to redo as many times as necessary or until menopause occurs (sometimes even menopause can’t stop it)
- Oocyte or embryo cryopreservation (freezing your eggs or embryos)
- Artificial menopause (to prevent ovulation, and put your ovaries to rest on purpose to stop the endometriosis from spreading)
Note: before reading this, please note that my case is very unlikely to be/become yours. Don’t compare yourself, each body is different.
After each surgery, I was put under artificial menopause; unfortunately for me, none of the treatments available could stop my ovaries from ovulating. As if this wasn’t enough, for every round of IVF I had done so far, my body would not react properly either to the hormonal shots to grow my follicles for egg retrievals. A real assault course I tell you. For the better.
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant with the strongest little warrior. As every (expecting) mother, I am happier than words could ever say, and beyond impatient to meet and care for our little creation, as I said, “I’ve been waiting to become a mom for as long as I can remember to not say since the day I was born”. But as a little girl, I couldn’t imagine I’ll have to go over all of these procedures to be able to do what a woman body can supposedly naturally do, and as a young woman, I didn’t expect that if I one day, would get through all of the treatment, a world pandemic will take place.
Pregnancy stress and concerns should only be about the shade you’ll be picking for your baby’s nursery or which brand of diaper you’ll be using, your monthly blood result at last; but never about getting sick of a disease no one knows anything about, and what will happen if you get it - most importantly, if your child will be affected. A mother (to be) should never have to hear such things as “we apologize, but the future dad/support person cannot come in for the ultrasound” or worse, “the dad/support cannot be part of his son/daughter’s birth, nor a support to the mom”. A lot of people ask me if I feel stressed about being pregnant during these (very) weird times, here is what I can tell you.
“If I was to contract covid-19, would it affect our baby? If so, how?”
This was the very first bad thought/question going through my head when all this “corona virus” madness started going out of China and spreading all around the globe in a very little time.
At the beginning, the world was divided into two: one side was saying that it was “just a cold” and that “Influenza (the common flu) kills many more people than the corona virus would ever”, and the other side was saying that it’ll be causing a tragic amount of deaths, and that it’ll be the end of the world as we know it. I remember back then already being scared for the world, my loved ones, myself but mostly my child. I remember wondering which side was right and how this would evolve and what affect will it have for our child from the very first minute the virus started spreading and invading the world.
Weeks before the confinement, my husband and I have decided to restrict our strolls and dates to the minimal possible (doctors, grocery and dog walks).
I was trying to read on the effect of the virus on pregnant women, and their fetus, but it was too early to find something relevant; it still is, and I still try to find pertinent materials on the subject but nothing ever makes much sense and are based off of assumptions.
Not knowing what could happen to my child is very hard.
As a (future) mom, your priorities change, and the very first one is to protect your baby no matter what. But the truth is, in these conditions, it’s really beyond what you can control. All I can do is stay home, so this is what we do. It doesn’t get boring thanks to my husband, our child, our furry babies, my job, the new season of Money Heist, and being able to be outdoors, as we are currently isolating in my parents’ guest house and the hidden trails surrounding it. But is this enough to protect my son? I can only hope so.
Thinking that my husband may not be able to welcome his son on earth and into our world.
Hubby not being able to feel each of our son’s movement is already frustrating (as I’d really love to share them all with him), but him not being able to hear baby’s first breath and scream, his voice, or not able to start practicing skin to skin at the most important time for our baby, not able to care for him, hold his tiny hand, and just having to wait alone at home for us to come back in a few days before he can finally meet our child is a really bitter thought.
I feel for my husband that I love so dearly, and jumped into this adventure, this life, with; but especially for my son who definitely should have his father by his side his entire life, starting from his very first breath.
Having no support during labor and birth. I don’t mean to sound dramatic nor selfish, but this is terrifying me…
I’ve never been in labor, but I’ll be in just a few months.
From my (very) rocky health history, and mothers’ testimony in my circle, I can only imagine how much support a woman must need during this very emotional and painful experience; but thinking that the only one I might be getting will come from complete strangers is a bitter pill to swallow.
I don’t doubt for a second that I need the medical support (I’m not sure I could do it without them), but it’s a very different support, and during labor, birth, and even postpartum, I know that I’ll be in need of both support: medical, and family/loved ones. Having only half of the support I need is nerve-racking, but what can I do beside feeling for women that had to experience or will have to experience labor in these unfair conditions, and hope that it’ll be over by the time my son will come into this world? Not much, just feel, and hope.
If something goes wrong, my son will be on its own from his very first second in this world.
I pray that delivery will go as smoothly as it can get, and more than anything, for my son to be healthy; and while always hoping for the best, you should also be ready for the worse, just in case. This is the reason why you’re told to make a birth plan, and also to be ready for the birth to not go as you’ve pictured it.
If something was to happen, and my child was taken away for surgery or intensive care while I’m on bed rest or else, our son would have to go through it all on his own, in this unknown world.
Thinking that his first instants or days in this world would be alone, is the most heart breaking thought I’ve had in my life, to this day.
For now these are the questions and thoughts going through my head when it comes to the actual situation and my pregnancy.
There are a few things that I try to do on purpose to remain as calm as I can (and not become insanely terrified), such as writing/working, cooking, sunbathing as we are blessed with a very nice weather these days, watching happy and relaxing movies or videos of my favorite YouTubers, listening to cheering and happy songs, working out, walking my dogs, spending time with my husband, and of course bonding with my baby!
I’ve also stopped reading about Covid-19 everyday, don’t watch the news on TV anymore, and momentarily cut contact with people who talk exclusively (or almost) about the virus, even if they’re my usual close circle - I quitted a couple of WhatsApp groups with some of my friends and family, cut conversations very short with my dad who talks about the pandemic a lot these days etc.
I know this may seem a bit extreme, but it’s these solutions that I’ve found and have worked for me, to not over stress - cortisol (stress hormone) may harm the baby.
Keep a routine that’s right for you, wake up early, keep your eating habits as healthy as possible, exercise, bond with baby, use your free time for self-care and do things you love, call your close friends and talk about anything but the pandemic; most importantly stay informed, but don’t keep watching, listening or reading the news about the virus, and for the time being, cut off people that are likely to increase your stress.