(very) Unsolicited Advice During Pregnancy
I KNOW FOR CERTAIN THAT I’LL BE TALKING ON BEHALF OF EVERY MOMS, AND MOMS TO BE, WHEN I SAY:
“WE DO NOT WANT YOUR UNSOLICITED ADVICE”!
We understand that you certainly mean well and want to help, or maybe want to share or relieve your experience through your loved ones; but remember when you were pregnant and were given unwanted advice or judgment over your coffee/tea consumption? Well, it feels the same to every other woman.
And as I said, even though it’s unwanted, unnecessary, and we would gladly do without, we understand where you come from. However, they are two other types of people that I really will not get over: the ones that are nor parents nor pregnant, and the ones that you never met (or barely) and still feel like giving advice.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about it can only mean that you aren’t a parent or at least a parent-to-be, or that you haven’t announced your pregnancy yet. Sadly, it’ll come… To help you make the best of this situation or if it hasn’t come yet, to prepare you for it, here are some example of what’s been told to me since the beginning of my pregnancy, and even prior to it as we’ve been trying for a baby for years.
Veganism & Pregnancy
This has got to be on top of the list. If you’re vegan, or even vegetarian, you’ll see people around you becoming doctors, nutritionists, or even your new gynecologist.
Most people have been asking me if I’ll be eating differently than usual (vegan) during pregnancy/breastfeeding, although this is really none of their concern, plant-based or not, I’d never put my child’s life in danger as you can imagine; yet people that I have never ever met take the time to go through my Instagram profile and my magazine to check on my life and message me or my husband… I know that it’s ridiculously funny, but it’s especially annoying.
Later on will come my own child’s diet topic, I just can’t wait.
So best of luck! I’m sure no matter what your diet is, people will always have something to say about it.
ps: I’ll not be getting into details about diet and pregnancy in this article, but just know that, after having seen a nutritionist specialist in fertility at the beginning of my pregnancy, keeping a 100% plant-based diet is absolutely doable and will not hurt baby if your nutritional requirements are met.
Caffeine Intake
Fortunately, I don’t like coffee, however I do enjoy a cup of tea once in a while. Tea isn’t judged as severely as coffee is (lucky me), even though a mug of tea isn’t far from a mug of coffee when it comes to counting your caffein intake. So I’m not being picked at when it comes to my cup of tea, but I know for certain that way too often, pregnant women would get stopped by a complete stranger, and given advice in a coffee shop for ordering a comforting cup of coffee. Coffee is not something we (pregnant women or breastfeeding moms) should be forgetting about for the next year or so of our lives! Not only what may not have been working for some may work for others, but also we are all very well aware about caffeine in high amount being bad for the baby - we already have a doctor and a midwife, real ones, thanks.
ps: Just a reminder that having caffeine during pregnancy is not forbidden, however it’s recommended to limit the amount to 200mg/day.
Once A Furry Friend, Now A Baby Killer
If you don’t know, we have two huskies. They are so adorable and loving, they love to cuddle, run and play rough with each other, one likes treats and running after the butterflies and the other, doesn’t like to waste his playing time for food, and likes swimming and very large spaces to run around. Everyone loves them, and we really consider them as member of our family. But since we announced that we were going to have a baby, my precious balls of fur have become people’s enemies number one (and two!). It’s true that we will need to be careful and see how they react during their adaptation time and we will not be able to do things such as leave our newborn alone, turn our back on the baby while changing him/her, or leave him on the floor… Oh you neither? Well, then.
More seriously, of course we will be more careful, but people coming at us with a “so what are you gonna do with the dogs?” are just scaring me as humans.
Cloth Diapers
People (including my mom who has never used cloth diapers) have been all over me about this. As I’m writing this in around 5 months of pregnancy, we haven’t decided whether we want to use disposable or cloth diapers for certain, but are leaning towards cloth diapers. I had the very bad idea of mentioning it a couple of times and since then, everyone has something to say about it (mostly negative) even though they have never used them. I only know two persons that have used them, and one is very happy the other one used it for a week only, but as I said above, what may work for one may not for someone else. So no matter what your experience is, no matter what your opinion is, letting other people decide for themselves is always the right decision. I understand that you want to help and think that giving your opinion might just do so, but always remember that it didn’t work for you, not for us. And else, what better way to learn than letting others make their own mistakes?
ps: the negative opinions have been the same one: “it leaks”. So, I just thought I’d remind you cloth diapers leaks are not normal - it may be that the fit isn’t right for baby, that the sizing is wrong or that it isn’t put on correctly.
Soaking In Warm Baths
I have to say, this one is mostly for my husband who was worried that hot water might not be good for his child since we took the pregnancy test. Although it’s not a lot more water than a long shower, baths aren’t the most ecological choice; in our family, we try to be as eco-friendly as possible, however I haven’t been able to stop my relaxing tub time yet.
Many women stop using their bathtub during pregnancy, while it’s great for the planet, “baths are very bad for the baby” is a big fat lie.
As long as the water isn’t too hot (38°C/100°F), taking baths during pregnancy are very beneficial: they soothe muscles and joints, which are highly solicited during pregnancy with the uterus extending and the quick “weight gain” that go with it; baths can also relieve early contractions, help with oedema (swelling), improve the quality of sleep and combat insomnia, and even increase amniotic fluid. However, it is recommended not to stay too long in a warm bath (about 20 minutes) in case your body temperature would increase - you can also keep a thermometer next to you and make sure your body doesn’t get too hot.
This is only a few examples of what I came across in these 5 months of pregnancy, but also what I heard the most so far.
Part. II coming (way too) soon…
Just remember, you’re the only one to know your body and able to feel your child, so listen to yourself, way more than others.